Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
