All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
