i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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