Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...