i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
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Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
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I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant