Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.