i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
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there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
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I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.