He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.