Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.