How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm getting married
To pizza
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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