Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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