he wants to bone in the snuggie
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
