I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
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I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Drunk is not a location!
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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