yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
