I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Acid is not a monday night drug
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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