Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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