We won't sleep together?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
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