Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
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