You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
