Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You're completely useless in the revolution.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
