I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
organizing the empties. That sober.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
