Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
