you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
