Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
i think i just naturally attract stoners
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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