Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
