I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
