Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
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michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
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I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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