pop tarts are not kleenex
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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