I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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