I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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