when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
