i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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