i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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