remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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