you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
