The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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