Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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