i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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