there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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