She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
