i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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