my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
