dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
