My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
