shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Did you just see the Batmobile???
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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