i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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