A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
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