Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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