I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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