Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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