I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
