Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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