A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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