I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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