she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
