In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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