That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
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Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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