I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
