i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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