I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
