too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
