I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He passed out mid-signature
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
