hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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