Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
it's like heaven, but drunker
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
