Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
