literally had 100 drinks last night.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize