U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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