He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
