It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
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He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
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also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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