I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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