I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
We had to coat check the pizza.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
tell me about the eggs
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
